A MESSAGE FROM BONZO ENGLISH
Hi. It’s me, Bonzo the Beagle, reporting on another year of my life being ruined by having to live with Michael and Carolyn English.
Before I engage in retribution and institutional destruction outside the rule of law, I decided I would try to improve my unhappiness by volunteering.
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Experts report it’s good for you and focusing on someone other than yourself interrupts tension-producing patterns. (liars!)
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Volunteering feels good. But, did a feelgood factor pay for the food and treats that I need? No!
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Volunteers discover hidden talents that will change your view on your self-worth. Did anyone appreciate my cleaning the cat litter box by eating the cat chicklets? No!
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Volunteering creates a sense of belonging and reduces isolation. Was there a reward for my chasing the Fed Ex guy, the mailman and the neighbor’s cat thus helping them get some exercise? No!
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Volunteering was time-consuming; I have aged. My famous howl sounds more like AARP than AARF! Comfort foods are not comforting and I have put on a few pounds. I really need a scotch and toilet water after this failed experiment.
When will Ginny and Ellie return? I really miss “trash” talking and PAWdicures, and singing “Howl-lelujah”!! Ginny, the cute blonde one, celebrated three years of marriage (and her escape from the Englishes!) She and husband, Sean, enjoy fixing up their 100-year-old house in New York and making their own furniture... which I would love to chew up... Both are working towards advanced degrees in education. (maybe they can help me with my ADDD...attention deficit DOG disorder.) Top dogs Carolyn and Michael visited them in October seeing the fall colors on a road trip, the Baseball Hall of Fame in Cooperstown, and the covered bridges in Vermont. I was glad to have them gone... lots of time to catch up on my PEEmail.
Ellie, the adorable red-head, rocked it out drumming in two bands, L.A. Witch and Pagoto. She has no time to take me to the dog park as she has moved so, so far away (the other side of Burbank.) Her third studio album was recorded in the Grammy winning studio, Motorbass, in Paris...yes Paris France! She played in Spain, Switzerland, Austria, Norway, the U.K., Greece, the Netherlands and Germany, in addition to the West Coast tour and opening for Jane’s Addiction. Did she even think to give me credit for chewing up the gifts under the tree thus allowing her time for personal reflection on the vanity of gift giving?
Signed under duress,
Bonzo,
the very sad, very neglected, but semi-enlightened volunteer, Beagle
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P.S. If you are really, really bored and need a sleep-inducing read, check out another desperate attempt by Michael to be popular: the website for his original projects. The band name... The Michael English Band... gosh... so original. https://www.michaelenglishmusic1.com/
If you need evidence of how this has ruined the whole family, hit the drop-down menu for English Family Productions.
(I say this genuinely without bias, that a person’s time could be so much better spent.)
Michael rocked the Midwest on a 5-state summer tour with the band Ivory and Carolyn tagged along pretending to help by selling t-shirts. Ivory had the senior ladies line-dancing to Deep Purple in Gillette and doing the “alligator” dance in Brookings. Rocking out the rest of their tour were gigs in Deadwood, Custer, Madison, and Rapid City. (I think Ellie wins on the tour challenge!)
Carolyn can still fit in to the Christmas tree costume to promote the YMCA tree lot sales! (I, Bonzo, have offered many times to water those trees...) And she wore the pancake costume promoting the YMCA pancake breakfast. Do I smell desperation for attention???
Holy Cows, her play, was produced at the Burbank Methodist Church as an arts fundraiser and sold out every night. The poor people who live here locally had to go. (Even the minister!) They need to pray for her.
Opening game day at Dodger stadium. Crypto.com arena watching the magic of Lebron James on the BB court. Ringo Starr rocking the Greek theater. Jay Leno doing stand-up comedy and the opening of Don Giovanni (yes, the opera!) And did they think to thank me for the incessant barking I provided in their absence as the self-appointed neighborhood watchdog? NO!
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From now on I am only chasing parked cars.
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Don’t visit unless you are selling thin mints!
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Purrdee does not wish you a “mice” day and I take back my offer to “woof” you a Happy New Year.
I did get some rest when Top Dogs went to Japan where Carolyn had lived as an Army brat. (She is still a brat.) A beautiful country with clean bathrooms, no horns honking and where cats are the number 1 pet. I would hate it. I can’t even update my Tail Book (like Face Book but for dogs) because Purrdee, the cat, ate my mouse! She is always in a bad “mewd”.
And finally in my endeavor to save the entire family from innumerable calories, I ate the entire loaf of freshly-baked-from-scratch pumpkin bread. Iam truly in the middle of not caring anymore! I documented the activities of The English clan abandoning me at home alone with Purrdee the cat: